


First Home

by Jemppu



Series: Honey Mushroom [46]
Category: Star Trek: Discovery
Genre: Art, Culmets - Freeform, Fanart, M/M, Tumblr, honey mushroom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-25
Updated: 2020-04-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:00:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23837989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jemppu/pseuds/Jemppu
Summary: Part of"Honey Mushroom"series of illustrated Culmets momentslisted here on tumblr.More of Paul’s inner dialogue post Hugh, before season one closing scenes.With illustration:"First Kiss Aboard".
Relationships: Hugh Culber/Paul Stamets
Series: Honey Mushroom [46]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1080993
Kudos: 9





	First Home

**Author's Note:**

> The series gets released quite out of order, as inspiration dictates, so I urge you to check out the [series list on tumblr](https://tinyurl.com/honeyshroom) for a better picture of the whole.

## 

## First Home 

After the medal ceremony in Paris the crew now had couple weeks of leave while the Discovery was under maintenance, before it would embark on to another expedition.  
  
Paul had decided to stay in France for the duration, and take this time to tour the beautiful country, and more importantly, to think things through by himself.

  
  
He had been across universes and back, but had never visited France before - well, except once for a French Mycology Society seminar in Toulouse, but that had been just a back and forth between the shuttleport and the venue; hardly a chance to see or experience anything.

Or so he had thought back then - that had been before he had met Hugh and learned from him to appreciate smallest of aspects, that even such brief visits had to offer.  
  
As he now wandered the idyllic countrysides and seashores, he found himself again dreaming of maybe eventually finding himself settling somewhere like this someday. Like he had done many times in many places previously.  
  
He was also contemplating the eventuality of such an occasion. If his retirement from the Fleet was already currently relevant.  
  
Wasn’t his mission done now after all - he had already made up his mind about it once. Made a promise of it too.  
  
He had always detested the idea of belonging to Starfleet anyway, but had been dragged there along with the research. The Fleet had only ever been but a vessel to advance the research and get it tested in practice. And it seemed now, that the work was done.  
  
But unbeknownst to him and by forces beyond his power, Discovery had somehow managed to become the only home he now knew. Even if his Officer, the man, who had made it so was gone now. All but gone from his memory anyway. Paul still hold on to Hugh in his mind.  
  
Paul recalled back to what had been their first kiss aboard the ship - in their quarters. It had been some weeks before the ship had embarked on it’s mission.  
  
After which that ship had become their first home together.  
  
He remembered their first meal aboard - in the mess hall - machine replicated and bland, but special as their first in their new home. Their first breakfast aboard - together in their quarters - had been much more pleasant. Machine bulk as well, but far more intimate.  
  
He remembered their first shower together aboard. And the first time they had brushed their teeth together there as well. Those had become their most treasured times on the ship - rare quiet moments, when they had time to share their thoughts with each other amidst the hectic schedules of their duties.  
  
Aboard Discovery, was also when Hugh had for the first time called Paul his Honey Mushroom, after catching the name from some overheard conversation between Paul and Straal possibly - Paul wasn’t sure, but so he always assumed - who else would’ve been talking about mushrooms aboard the ship. And Hugh had stuck with it. Sometimes to an embarrassing degree. Though Paul did secretly love it more than he ever let on.  
  
Paul also remembered their first make out aboard. Their first fight. And their second make out.  
  
Their last one too. All too… rushed.  
  
They had still had much to learn about each other for the first time aboard that ship. Not least of which was to tolerate each other’s quirks amidst daily routines and to respect one and other’s space, suddenly living in their one room apartment together.  
  
They had faced hardships together and shared dreams aboard that ship.  
  
No. Even if his mission would be over already, Paul didn’t feel he was ready to let go of all of that yet.  
  
Hell, even if in the grand scheme of things their time together hadn’t been that long, Paul still somehow found himself unable to even remember how anything had been before Hugh. Hugh had brought him life he never knew he wanted, or needed. He had taught Paul to dream. Of things other than star paths. Of life of his own. Of their own.  
  
Such Earthly, trivial nonsense had suddenly seemed vital then for the first time.  
  
Dear Doctor had helped him grow. He had made Paul a better man.  
  
And Paul wanted to continue to be that man still. For Hugh he would be.  
  
Although life aboard that ship surely wouldn’t be the same now - it would certainly be strange and lonely without Hugh there with him - he wasn’t ready to let go of the time they had shared there together. Not yet. Even still it felt, he wasn’t ready to be left alone with his thoughts.  
  
Would Paul finally be able to admit he had made ‘friends’ on that ship? And that they were his only family now?  
  
It’s what Hugh would’ve wanted, right? For him to go on. The man had always been natural in making acquaintances, and surely would’ve wished Paul to make more of an effort for social interactions as well.  
  
“Dammit”, Paul cursed to himself, “I don’t want it to be the swarm of them. It was never meant to be anyone but you.”  
  
He was currently sitting on a rocky beach, somewhere by the Atlantic shore, but who cared where exactly - it was all just as new to him. He had just hopped on to the first transport that had happened by again, to change scenery, and it had brought him here.  
  
He watched the lull of the calm ocean in it’s overcast glow, enjoying the sound of coarse beach grass in the gentle breeze and the cries from a colony of gulls hovering low further down the shore.  
  
“Could this have been where you would’ve brought me to retire then?”, a gentle, familiar voice sounded out in Paul’s head. He only now realized, Hugh hadn’t really spoken to him in days.  
  
“I don’t know where”, Paul answered, suddenly feeling unexpected relief upon the most welcome voice of intimacy, “but somehow it still feels it should be by the sea somewhere”.  
  
“Really?” Hugh’s voice sounded surprised and continued slightly teasingly, “not nearer to that town from yesterday, with the old, mushroom ridden woods?”  
  
Paul laughed a little to himself. “Possibly. That would be the obvious, wouldn’t it” he responded in his mind, appreciating the familiar tone of affectionate sneer in Hugh’s voice, “right now it just feels that would remind me too much of work”. He couldn’t himself quite fathom such words escaping his mouth. Certainly the old Paul would’ve never thought such a thing. The young Paul, that was. But that Paul had not known much anything else.  
  
“Besides”, he continued his pondering, “wouldn’t that be a bit too remote? Rather back-woodsy for you?”  
  
Paul could almost feel Hugh throw a double-take at him. “… But surely you wouldn’t really let something like that affect your decision making now, would you?” the voice asked, clearly questioning whether his man was fully aware he wasn’t really talking to anyone.  
  
“Sure I would”, Paul answered confidently in his mind, “why wouldn’t I? It’s comforting to have someone set you some boundaries. Keeps one grounded”, he assured, “you always have. I appreciate that.”  
  
Paul’s mind still refused to think Hugh in the past tense.  
  
“Besides, I do love this”, he added, making a slight panning gesture with his hand towards the grand view of the open ocean, as if there was really anyone to see it. For him there was.  
  
“What ever makes you happy, Mushroom”, Hugh smiled.  
  
There was a pause in the conversation.  
  
“But definitely on Earth then?” Hugh’s voice asked.  
  
“Why, yes…” Paul hadn’t admittedly even thought otherwise until now - for him it seemed given, for them to come back here, “would you prefer somewhere else? Deneva? Surely not Alpha Centauri? You liked Risa, didn’t you?”  
  
“No, Earth is perfect”, Paul could feel Hugh smile, “just thought since thanks to your genius, you would now have the entire universe to choose from”.  
  
“And beyond”, Paul added meekly, “I could still come back for you out there somewhere”.  
  
“Don’t even kid, Paul”, Hugh’s voice spoke out in serious tone - you could always tell things got real, when Hugh would drop the pet names, “if that is why you’d board that ship again…”  
  
“What? No, no” Paul sounded out defensively in his mind, “suppose, I could maybe coming for you as we converse here, without doing anything”. Paul pondered, “things are different now. You never passed here. With things set anew now, maybe you’re still here somewhere after all.”  
  
“So, maybe just book yourself the next flight to come and get me?” Hugh tried to follow Honey Mushroom’s stream of thought, “you know where my post was… is?”  
  
“Naw, you could be anywhere”, Paul tried to explain his reasoning, “attempting to find you would be impossible - one has to let destiny take the helm”.  
  
Paul could feel the curious look Hugh was giving him: was his devotely scientific minded Mushroom turning to faith now?  
  
“No”, Paul replied. He could obviously sense such a 'doubt’ in Hugh in his mind, “just being hypothetical”.  
  
“Though how can we know, that I didn’t already?” Paul went on, relentless in his pedantry as he was - unable to let an occurring thought to pass.  
  
“You’re losing me, Honey”, Paul could feel the Hugh in his mind not even trying to follow his logic anymore, but went on anyway… as would be usual.  
  
“The first time we met”, Paul explained, “maybe that wasn’t our first first meeting. Maybe I was already coming back for you from somewhere”.  
  
“That would still be the way you’d introduce yourself, if you got a second shot at that?” Hugh scolded, “drunken insults?”  
  
“How do you know how beautiful my initial courtship might have been!” Paul snickered out loud at the conversation in his head, “and you can’t deny the insults didn’t work”.  
  
Just then for a brief moment Paul almost wished they hadn’t - given where they were now.  
  
Hugh’s laughter in his mind was delightful though, and Paul couldn’t help but smile like a fool, appreciating again all they had had.  
  
Maybe that was why it had been so familiar between them from the get go: they had known each other already - Paul mused.  
  
There was a long pause as Paul let the two of them just sit quietly there on the beach. Not a soul around: this was exactly how it should’ve been.  
  
“Were we ever even here together? On Earth?”, he then spoke out quietly after a while.  
  
“What do you mean?” Hugh’d voice sounded confused, “weren’t we here a plenty?”.  
  
“We met there on Alpha Centauri and then you were gone before I could even tell you I liked you”, Mushroom was somewhere way beyond coherence now, in his own distant, familiar realms, “what if you were just some mycelial dream of mine all along.”  
  
“Would that help you to get over?”  
  
“No, I don’t think so”, Paul said with certain conviction, “I think I’d be stuck wondering - dreaming forever for it to be true”.  
  
Paul gazed into the horizon, letting the calmness of the grey beach side scene wash over him again.  
  
 _“What ever made him happy”_?  
  
He sat there gathering his thoughts before allowing a more coherent idea to manifest in his head.  
  
“You wouldn’t mind then, if I broke my promise to you?” he finally spoke out in his mind, “about retiring from the Fleet.”  
  
It felt like there was a slight pause before he could hear Hugh’s voice speak out again. “So, you’ve decided then?” the voice responded gently, “you’re going back?”  
  
“For now”, Paul nodded, “I feel like I must”.  
  
“I have nothing here elsewhere”, he went on determined, but slightly derisively in his head, “everything I had was left along that journey: Justin, you, the kids, the work… Everything I have has been left aboard that damn ship”.  
  
“Besides, I would have a better chance to encounter you out there somewhere, than sitting idle here on Earth”.  
  
Paul could almost see Hugh’s compassionate look on him, witnessing his Honey Mushroom hang on tight to this supposed idea. He could then vividly feel Hugh’s reassuring touch on the back of his neck, “you’ll have me with you where ever you decide to go, Mushroom”.  
  
“Right. And you are Starfleet”, Paul responded in his head, and continued out loud, “feels right we go home - back to the ship specifically built for us”.  
  
As much as Paul detested the “damn tin can”, he had also grown to feel certain ownership over it, he now realized. Was he on his way to adopting another ‘kid’?  
  
“Now that you’re a real _"Commanding Lieutenant”_ too", Hugh’s voice suddenly had a suggestive playfulness in it, “one more step away from actual, Fleet sanctioned Commander”.  
  
“Hah!” Paul laughed, “you would like that, wouldn’t you?”  
  
These were frisky jokes the couple had shared ever since their first time together and they would mean nothing to any outsider hearing the conversation. If Paul had known way back then, that he’d ever enlist, he would have probably avoided letting such regularly used terms in the Fleet to become pillowtalk.  
  
“Yes. We are too damn young to be thinking about retiring yet.” Paul said and turned to look by his side instinctively, only to see there was really no-one there, of course.  
  
He let out a little huff and smiled to himself. Then turned back to face the beach in front of him, and paused to think again.  
  
“It will surely be painful to be near it all on the Discovery”, his mind went on, “but I’m not quite ready yet to let go of what we had there either”.  
  
“Our only home together?” Hugh came back beside him.  
  
“Our first home together”, Paul specified, “so far…" 

**Author's Note:**

> Thoughts on the work posted along with the illustration on [**tumblr**](https://jmalkki.tumblr.com/post/174560850604/first-kiss-aboard-no-not-their-first-kiss-lets).
> 
> _Likes, shares, comments and what have you, all appreciated on:_   
>  _[**tumblr**](http://jmalkki.tumblr.com/) | [**twitter**](https://twitter.com/Jemppu) | [**instagram**](https://www.instagram.com/jeminamalkki/) | [**DeviantArt**](https://www.deviantart.com/jemppu)_


End file.
